Homesickness is an illusive emotion, particularly when it’s for a place that no longer exists except in the collective memory of the people who made it. For me, I often feel homesick for these times when I was a young cook, starting out in the industry. It was a truly beautiful time. Fleeting. So fucking hard. I was constantly doubting myself; terrified that I would disappoint the chefs who took a chance on me. Afraid that I didn’t have what it takes make it.
But I did make it and the voices and lessons from those chefs are with me so often when I cook today. Yesterday, I was feeling homesick for Terra. I wasn’t there for very long, but the impact that that kitchen and those cooks had on me was deep and really shaped who I am today as a cook. I often think of my time there as a failure because I did struggle with my confidence and it often affected the work I did. I had a lot of really rough services, particularly on Grill Station. I could never quite find the rhythm of maintaining the fire, was always behind on my prep, and the stress of being a disappointment to my chefs and team was overwhelming. But there were also great services! When the whole team was humming together, cracking jokes, laughing in between call backs. I miss those moments but am grateful to have lived them.
One of the items on my prep list was the marinade for the Miso Cod- to this day a dish that I crave often. I guess yesterday it was on my mind because I did a riff off of it to make chicken. Nearly equal parts tamari, mirin, and sake. I say “nearly” because the was the ratio was more like 1.5 tamari : 1 mirin : 3/4 sake. And then of course a grated knob of ginger about the size of your thumb and 2 cloves of garlic grated. All of that got whisked together, then poured over the chicken thighs to marinate for a couple of hours. Because my grills are still inaccessible due to 10 FEET OF NEVER-MELTING SNOW, I used a cast iron skillet to cook the chicken. First, searing them on the stove top, next, finishing them in a 400F oven for about 15ish minutes until they were cooked through. Once they were resting, I nearly covered them in scallion, cilantro, mint, lime zest, and juice fro half the lime.
I served that in a bowl with some shredded carrot (next time I’ll add a chiffonade of pickled ginger to it), sliced cukes dressed with a little rice wine vinegar, thinly sliced jalapeño, and brown basmati with ginger and spinach. Then drizzled toasted sesame oil over the lot of it plus a healthy sprinkling of furikake.
It certainly wasn’t the miso cod dish from Terra, but without my experience cooking and struggling and sweating and laughing there, I wouldn’t be here just throwing together that dinner last night. And when I let that sink in, I feel overwhelmed by the beauty of this journey and I feel very grateful indeed.
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